Dear Friend,
Hello, my name is Lucy Connor and I am 16 years old. I am a young carer who looks after my mum, dad and older brother Hugh. I have been a carer for most of my life, I don’t know anything different. I’m asking you to help families like mine this Christmas.
My brother Hugh has autism, ADHD and dyspraxia. My mum has chronic back pain. My world turned upside down when I was in 5th class. My dad was diagnosed with Functional Neurological Disorder, also known as FND. He has seizures and has had no short term memory for over four years. I know when a seizure is coming on and my immediate action is to make sure he is safe and he can’t be hurt. He needs constant care and attention.
I remind him to take his medication, cook his meals, put him to bed when he needs rest, hold him up when he walks unsteadily and listen to him when he slurs his speech. My mum needs a lot of help with everyday tasks that other people take for granted like hoovering the floor and tying shoelaces. My brother Hugh likes to have me by his side when he needs help with understanding social cues. He doesn’t like loud noises or crowds of people. He relies on me and we are very close. Hugh is becoming more aware of what is going on with mum and dad.
A typical day for me as a carer involves several tasks that I must do. I stick to my daily schedule so the house is kept clean. I hoover, do laundry, cooking, baking and walk the dogs. Another aspect of my daily life as a carer is going grocery shopping and collecting medication from the chemist for my family. I mostly have a day’s work done before I get to school.
I have faced a multitude of challenges as a carer which have affected me emotionally and physically. The number of tasks I do on a daily basis consumes a great deal of time and energy,, leaving me with little time to pursue my own passions or interests and I’m left tired, anxious and stressed most days. Having to care for those close to me and watching them in pain or in difficult situations has taken a toll on my own wellbeing, and I find it extremely difficult to open up and talk to my friends about my home life.
I have a constant worry that something may happen to my parents when I’m in school and who will help them? I also worry who will look after me and my brother should anything happen? Having access to professional support from Family Carers Ireland has allowed me to talk about my worries and feel less anxious.
“I mostly have a day’s work done before I get to school.”
Christmas is a mixture of emotions for us all. It’s a special time to be surrounded by those I love, but it doesn’t hide the underlying fact of being a carer and having to look after those I love during the holidays. Despite my love for Christmas, I find myself unable to fully switch off and enjoy the holidays. I don’t like asking my mum and dad for Christmas presents because I don’t want to put pressure on them. A large part of that is because of the sizeable costs involved in looking after three people with disabilities in a single income house.
Family Carers Ireland are an incredible help to me as a carer both practically and emotionally. They’ve provided me with access to many wellbeing supports which have helped me with my overwhelming stress, anxiety and also anger. I have met several other wonderful young carers at different events they have hosted. I find it beneficial and supportive connecting with other young people like me.
Their support has provided me with an outlet that wasn’t available to me before.
Talking with them helps relieve a lot of the pressure and stress involved with being a carer.
The number of stories I have heard from other carers over the last three years has been an eye-opener for me. It’s made me aware that I’m not alone in my struggles as a carer, that there are people like me across the country and the world, and that my responsibilities as a carer are something important and I too must be supported.
This Christmas, I would like companies who read my story to understand the vital and unspoken work that young carers put in. It’s a tiring, all-consuming job that you never truly get a break from, heavily influencing all aspects of your daily life. Those providing care need all the support they can get. A company donating this Christmas can make a priceless difference in a family carer’s life.
You can help relieve the challenges faced by many families living with disabilities and sickness during this difficult time of year, while also helping make life easier for young carers and family carers. I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my story. Any support from you, no matter how big or small, will make a difference and will be greatly appreciated this Christmas.
Wishing you and your family a very Happy Christmas,
Lucy Connor